Sexuality, Pride and Art

To be fair, my life was not that hard and my sexuality hasn’t mattered for the longest time but I know what it feels like not to be able to fully accept who you are. As someone who grew up in a religious family, it was very difficult to be different.

As a polish girl who grew up in a religious family it was not always easy for me to be who I truly am. Now that I know what I want in life I’m comfortable and happy and I can finally celebrate who I am! I know that compared to others my life has not been that hard, I am very aware. Nonetheless, I do know what it feels like to doubt yourself and I know what it means not to be fully accepted for who you are. I’m a bisexual woman who has faith in religion. It’s not always easy but it is who I am. I never had to properly come out because it’s not like I wasn’t straight. I wasn’t really 100% straight but who minds the details anyway? I’ve had boyfriends. I’ve introduced them to my family and like the proper catholic girl that I was I’ve met my partners in my community (church). I’ve mostly dated religious cis males just like my grandmother had wanted me to. Like my religion had (seemingly) decided for me.

Even though I didn’t really understand all of it, Religion has always been important to me. It’s always been a part of me; it’s how I was raised but there have always been things that didn’t make sense. For example when my great-grandmother used to say: “God doesn’t want us to be homosexual.” Secretly, I asked myself: Why would God be this way? Why am I not allowed to date both? It’s not like I was popular with people of any sex but I noticed that I was attracted to both men and women and that some were attracted to me too. I’ve never felt so confused in my entire life! I thought that God must be angry with me. It was much later that I’ve learned how God is different for everyone and that I do not need, nor want to be loved by a God that doesn’t accept me for who I am.

God loves me for who I am and no human soul can change that.

I digress but I felt like explaining some of my thoughts before talking about my sexuality related to my writing and art. Bisexuality is an incredibly fascinating topic for me and something I write about a lot. Some ask if bisexuality is even real? Do we just not want to pick a gender? Is it just a phase? There are many opinions on bisexuality and it’s fun for me to explore different perspectives and views.

The first girl I fell in love with was a poet and her art was the most real thing that I’ve ever witnessed. The way she wrote about the most mundane things transforming them into something incredibly beautiful, fascinated me and I fell in love with her and writing as an art form. That’s when I knew that I wanted to start writing myself. At first, I wanted to study literature and planned on becoming an author but unfortunately, I got bored by my own storytelling. That’s when I started to pay attention to journalism and creative writing. It took me some time to convince my parents that studying journalism was the right thing for me and I literally had to promise them that I’d study something else after finishing my studies but it worked! They’ve supported my decision and made it possible for me to chase my dream. It’s only recently that I’ve finished my bachelor’s degree and I couldn’t be happier! Of course, I’m pretty much jobless at the moment (mainly due to COVID) but I loved my studies and I’m glad that I got to do something I love. Writing is my art. My Bisexuality has brought me closer to my dreams. My sexuality, mental health, and experiences are reflected in my work and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Of course, my sexuality is not the only thing that defines me, not by far. However, just like writing is a part of me my sexuality also is part of my identity. That’s why I deal with thoughts, experiences insecurities, and such by writing about them. Personally, I don’t think that media includes topics such as; mental health, sexuality, gender identity, transgender, and such nearly enough! I’m talking about mainstream media especially! When will we be able to accept that we’re all unique? It’s important to say that when I write ‘include’ I mean that we should treat these topics with sensitivity and respect. Media tends to sensationalize sexuality, fetish, gender fluidity, feminism, transgender identities, and other topics that the majority of our society doesn’t seem to be ready for (for whatever reason that may be).

There is no such thing as a wrong identity.

In a post about same-sex relationships (in anime) I wrote: “My point is that it’s okay not to put a label on your identity. I still don’t know all the answers and I refuse to choose a category because then it would be easier for other people to understand me.” (Source) This is very important to me and another reason why I wanted to work on a project such as Misplacedshapes. We don’t need to limit ourselves by putting tags and labels on who we are. It’s okay to be misunderstood and it’s more than okay to feel like an alien in this world. I’ve often felt alienated in this world and more often than not I still do but I’ve come to feel very inspired by the things happening around and that makes me feel more at ease.

Pride and Art

Obviously, not every artists needs to make their sexuality the main focus of their work but representation is important and necessary. So yes, my sexuality doesn’t have to be the main focus of my work but it can be if I want it to be. I want to write about identity, self expression and how art helps us to share a part of who we are and who we want to be. During pride month I’ve written many articles about queer culture and I’ve learned so much. I love how colorful the world of pride is and it influences my work as a writer.

QUEER-ART – QUEER|ART|AWARDS is an initiative of grants, prizes, and residencies that includes a spectrum of support—monetary and otherwise—for LGBTQ+ artists.